I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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