Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dick has a subreddit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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