How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
