You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
