they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
