so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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