So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
