I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
