Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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