brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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