RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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