We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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