If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I sprained my soul last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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