I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
