That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
