I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
