omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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