Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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