My room smells like vodka and shame
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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