First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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