i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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