I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
