woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
