Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
