Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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