Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
