Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
