Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
