did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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