got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
