At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
