JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
