you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
