I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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