Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I AM VODKA MAN
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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