Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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