WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
