He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
