I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
