I have demons in me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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