I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
