cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He felt like a one man threesome
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
