You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
