overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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