ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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