Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
