Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
