so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
