Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
