Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
