And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
