WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
