Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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