Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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