Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize