wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
