I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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