I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You work out of a Hotel?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
