that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
