can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
