just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
