It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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