well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
