If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
