she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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