Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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