help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
